Is it my fault that I have sexual problems?

Short answer:

Many factors impact women’s sexual function

Women’s sexual function is influenced by various factors: physiological, psychological, sociocultural, and interpersonal. While sexual dysfunctions were once solely attributed to psychological causes, we now understand that they can have diverse origins. Physiological factors include pregnancy, menopause, medications, hormonal imbalances, and health conditions. Psychological factors involve mental health, self-image, and expectations. Sociocultural influences encompass religious or cultural beliefs, societal pressures, and upbringing. Interpersonal factors include relationship dynamics and partner’s sexual dysfunction. It is crucial to note that these factors are not the woman’s fault, and seeking help can be challenging due to the complexity of causes.

Nobody talks about women’s sexual pleasure

The lack of discussion around women’s sexual pleasure hinders comprehensive sexual health education. Teaching about women’s sexual function can prevent and treat Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD) while promoting overall well-being. Unfortunately, resources in Alberta overlook pleasure and the clitoris, focusing on negative outcomes and abstinence. This inadequate approach perpetuates shame and limited knowledge about sexual pleasure, leaving individuals ill-informed. Many people can relate to a flawed sex education experience, where body parts, reproductive control, and painless sex were not addressed. It is essential to prioritize inclusive and comprehensive sexual health education to empower individuals and prioritize their sexual rights and pleasure.

Lots of women haven’t learned about their bodies through masturbation

Masturbation is a personal and varied experience for women. It involves stimulating the genitals using fingers, vibrators, or dildos, often with clitoral stimulation. Women can enhance it through fantasies, porn, or other stimuli. On average, women take about four minutes to orgasm, debunking the myth of taking longer than men.

• How many women masturbate? A 2017 study revealed that 41% of American women had masturbated in the past month, while 22% had never done so. Another study found high rates of masturbation among both sexual and asexual women. There is an age difference, with 85% of women aged 25-29 having ever masturbated compared to 58% of women aged 70 or older. Overall, the popularity of masturbation among women appears to be increasing.
• Is masturbation harmful? Misinterpretations and religious beliefs have led to shame and misinformation about masturbation. Contrary to myths, masturbation is not harmful or sinful. It’s important to challenge these misconceptions and embrace healthy attitudes towards self-pleasure.
• Is masturbation beneficial? Masturbation is highly beneficial. It offers sexual exploration, pleasure, and helps women understand their bodies and sexual response. It can prevent sexual dysfunctions and enhance partnered sex. Many women masturbate for various reasons and continue to do so even in relationships.
• What if I don’t masturbate? Some women choose not to masturbate due to various reasons like asexuality, religious beliefs, or lack of interest. However, for women seeking help with sexual dysfunctions, masturbation can be beneficial. It’s ultimately a personal choice.

Female sexuality is not complex, just misunderstood

Female sexuality is often misunderstood, leading to the misconception that it is complex. However, the truth is that women’s sexual pleasure is straightforward when their primary pleasure organ, the clitoris, is stimulated. Women’s desire and orgasm are not inherently more complicated than men’s, but societal barriers and lack of consideration for women’s needs can impact sexual desire. If men faced similar obstacles and neglect of their pleasure, their sexual desire would likely be affected too. It’s important to prioritize clitoral stimulation and address the barriers that women face for a fulfilling sexual experience.

So why don’t women ask for pleasure?

Why don’t women ask for sexual pleasure? There are various reasons. Society has shamed female pleasure, and women may not feel entitled to ask for it. Fear of partner’s reaction, economic stability, and adhering to sexual scripts can also deter women from speaking up. Men’s egos and negative views on vibrators can hinder open communication about needs. Women may prioritize vaginal intercourse over other forms of stimulation due to societal expectations or self-consciousness. Power imbalances and gender inequality play a role too. Insufficient sex education contributes to a lack of awareness about pleasure. It’s important to challenge societal norms and prioritize mutual satisfaction.

Straight women and men prioritize men’s sexual pleasure

The prioritization of men’s sexual pleasure over women’s is a pervasive issue with various contributing factors and consequences.

• The coital imperative: Western culture places undue emphasis on vaginal intercourse as the main form of “real sex,” expecting women to orgasm from it despite low success rates. This stems from beliefs about reproduction, the “coital imperative,” and Freudian teachings that undermine women’s sexual pleasure. As a result, there is a disconnect between the sexual behaviours pursued by heterosexual couples and those that truly satisfy women.
• Many women aren’t having the kinds of sex that give them the most pleasure: Women often engage in sexual activities that prioritize men’s pleasure over their own due to societal expectations and the coital imperative. Western society wrongly values partnered vaginal intercourse as the superior form of sexual pleasure, influenced by historical and cultural factors.
• So what kinds of sex do women enjoy the most? Women derive the most pleasure from sexual behaviours that involve clitoral stimulation, such as cunnilingus. While vaginal intercourse is highly rated, it doesn’t consistently lead to orgasms. Women’s sexual satisfaction is enhanced by receiving more oral sex, achieving orgasm consistently, and embracing sexual variety.
• Okay, so what sexual behaviours are most common for women? Common sexual behaviours for women include vaginal intercourse, cunnilingus, masturbation, and vibrator use. Research shows that women engage in vaginal intercourse more frequently than receiving cunnilingus, contributing to the orgasm gap. Women in their 30s are most likely to have experienced these behaviors recently, indicating an expanding sexual repertoire among middle-aged and younger women.
• Are some women enduring unwanted sex for their male partners? Many women endure unwanted sex to maintain relationships or prevent their partners from straying, even when it causes pain. They often stay silent about the pain and lack of pleasure due to societal norms, prioritizing their partner’s enjoyment, and fear of negative reactions or violence.
• Why are you blaming men for so much? The patriarchy perpetuates an unequal balance of power between men and women. Research on women who have sex with women shows that lesbians experience better sexual function, fewer problems, and higher orgasm rates compared to heterosexual women. The absence of penises in sexual interactions may contribute to these differences.
• The orgasm gap: The orgasm gap refers to the significant disparity between men and women in achieving orgasm during partnered sex. It is primarily a social issue rather than a biological one. Women’s orgasmic capacity is comparable to men’s, but societal expectations prioritize men’s pleasure and undervalue women’s orgasms. While there is little orgasm gap in masturbation, many women struggle to orgasm during vaginal intercourse. Clitoral stimulation is the most reliable route to orgasm for women, and inadequate stimulation during intercourse is a common factor contributing to the orgasm gap. Sexual scripts that prioritize penetration and neglect clitoral stimulation further exacerbate the gap. Addressing this gap requires recognizing women’s sexual desires and giving attention to clitoral stimulation, which can potentially reduce or eliminate the orgasm gap.

Lack of research, training, treatments, and insurance coverage for FSD

Research, training, treatments, and insurance coverage for Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD) are lacking. Medical professionals receive little education in sexual health, and treatment options for FSD are often unknown or limited. Mental healthcare providers also lack training in sexual health. Compared to treatments for male sexual dysfunction, there is a significant disparity in available options and insurance coverage for FSD. This issue contributes to the difficulty women face in seeking help and finding appropriate treatment.

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